and it scares me to think that i could choose my life over You

I've reenacted the "lemonade stand" story so many times this week that I finally broke down and wrote it out with good ol' paper and ink tonight. But I'm going to save it for a later post (finally - I know, I know - a "Nanny Diaries" update). I realize this sounds like an intentional hook to reel you in, but it's not. I promise. (Besides, if I was trying to catch your attention, wouldn't it have been smarter to dig for more desirable bait? For example, mentioning that my Mary Poppins duties this week included filming a movie? But I digress.)

With my cluster headaches (still occurring about 17 hours of the day) lately, I've been studying as much as possible the actions needed to fight off our enemy. "For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." (2 Cor 10:3-5)

Though my body is under severe attack right now, I feel like what is being hit the hardest is my mind. I'm exhausted and growing increasingly weaker, but I think the enemy targets my thoughts to a more concentrated extent than my physical strength. Because it's where I'm most vulnerable. Because if my mentality and outlook is twisted and what I know questioned, fear takes over and all focus is lost. This is what makes 2 Corinthians 10:5 incredibly important.

Taking that a step further, Ephesians 6 lays out the entire armor of God, but the only piece of weapon that is intended for the offensive is the Word of God. The verse following the mention of the Word says in all circumstances we should be "praying at all times in the Spirit...."

"I am utterly convinced that the two major weapons with divine power in our warfare are the Word of God and Spirit-empowered prayer." (Beth Moore)

Over the last few days, I've been learning (slowly! very, very slowly) the importance of praying the Scripps when in trials, as well as when everything is seemingly fine. We have been given what's necessary to break through strongholds, current and to come.

On a personal level, it's hit me that though we're given weapons to fight for deliverance, my relationship with our Healer is more important than my actual healing. My tiny brain is having a very difficult time swallowing this concept. But all in all, prayer doesn't always change our circumstances (I may be stuck with this physical pain), but prayer always, absolutely changes us.

(The following prayers are taken from Moore's Praying God's Word and based on the verses in parentheses)

"My Father, You are the the Lord my God. I desire to love You, listen to Your voice, and hold fast to You, for You, Lord, are my life." (Deut. 30:20)

"Father, by faith in the name of Jesus, make me strong. Help me to realize that it is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through Him that heal me." (Acts 3:16)

"I love You, O Lord, my strength! You are my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; You, my God, are my Rock, in whom I take refuge. You are my shield and the horn of my salvation, my Stronghold! I call to You, O Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies!" (Ps. 18:1-3)

"I trust in You, Lord, so I'll let You rescue me. Teach me to delight in You and deliver me, O God." (Ps. 22:8)

One last Scripp I'm prayin' tonight (focusing on the last paragraph):

"I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and He will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted....

"You hold my eyelids open; ... I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, 'Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.'

"Then my spirit made a diligent search: 'Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has His steadfast love forever ceased? Are His promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His compassion?

"Then I said, 'I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.'

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember Your wonders of old. I will ponder all Your work, and meditate on Your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; You have made known your might among the peoples. You with Your arm redeemed Your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph. When the waters saw You, O God, when the waters saw You, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled. The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; Your arrows flashed on every side. The crash of Your thunder was in the whirlwind; Your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook. Your way was through the sea, Your path through the great waters; yet Your footprints were unseen...." (Psalm 77)

Love you guys.