mellow greetings, yookie dookie

know ye not that ... ye are not your own?

"Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so-called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says - 'Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.' If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart."

- Oswald Chambers

episode 7: happiness

the state of the american woman

I was thrilled to find out that Carolyn McCulley had covered TIME's latest special report. The following is from her post, which I highly recommend checking out:

"TIME magazine just published a special report, "The State of the American Woman." The Rockefeller Foundation, in collaboration with TIME, conducted a landmark survey of gender issues to assess how individual Americans are reacting. What they wanted to know was whether the battle of the sexes was really over, and if so, did anyone win? I guess it depends on how you define winning, because one of the more challenging aspects of this report is what was said about women's happiness:

Among the most confounding changes of all is the evidence, tracked by numerous surveys, that as women have gained more freedom, more education and more economic power, they have become less happy. No tidy theory explains the trend, notes University of Pennsylvania economist Justin Wolfers, a co-author of The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness. "We looked across all sectors — young vs. old, kids or no kids, married or not married, education, no education, working or not working — and it stayed the same," he says of the data.

"This has also been reported elsewhere. For example, Maureen Dowd of The New York Times wrote an op/ed piece in September about the same trend, titled "Blue is the New Black." These media reports have in common the Wharton study released in May titled, "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness." In my opinion, the Wharton study uncovered one important reason for declining female happiness in an age that upended what feminist Betty Friedan saw as the problem back in 1963: the trapped housewife syndrome. Now that women are no longer bound by what Friedan saw as the primary problem of women, you'd think we'd all be happier. But the Wharton study noted the emotional ties to home still affect women:

Arlie Hochschild’s and Anne Machung’s The Second Shift (1989) argued that women’s movement into the paid labor force was not accompanied by a shift away from household production and they were thus now working a “second shift”. However, time use surveys do not bear this out. Aguiar and Hurst (2007) document relatively equal declines in total work hours since 1965 for both men and women, with the increase in hours of market work by women offset by large declines in their non-market work. Similarly, men are now working fewer hours in the market and more hours in home production. Blau (1998) points to the increased time spent by married men on housework and the decreased total hours worked (in the market and in the home) by married women relative to married men as evidence of women’s improved bargaining position in the home. However, it should be noted that the argument went beyond counting hours in The Second Shift. Women, they argued, have maintained the emotional responsibility for home and family: a point that is perhaps best exemplified by the familiar refrains of a man “helping” around the house or being a good dad when “babysitting” the kids. Thus even if men are putting in more hours, it is difficult to know just how much of the overall burden of home production has shifted, as measuring the emotional, as well as physical, work of making a home is a much more difficult task. "Though the goal of second-wave feminism was to severely diminish the importance of home--the private sphere of our important relationships--it is clear that this isn't possible because the feminine capacity for nurturing and bearing life still courses through us. That's not to say we don't enjoy other tasks and goals outside of the home. It means that the simplistic approach to modeling women's life structures after men's is ridiculously stressful. The home does matter and the relationships nurtured there do carry a priority.

"In fact, you can see this is the results of the Rockefeller/TIME poll. The theme of relationships courses throughout the poll and dominates the issue of priorities:

• Being married is very important to 58% of men vs. 53% of women.


• Men and women largely agree on the importance of most life goals. The biggest difference in life goals? Fifty-eight percent of men describe religious faith as very important vs. 68% of women.


• There's a definition perception gap at work: TIME reports that 69% of women think men resent women who have more power than they do; only 49% of men agree. But only 29% of men say that female bosses are harder to work for than male bosses, compared with 45% of women.
  
  
• More than a third of men over age 65 say that with the rise of women in society and the workplace, men no longer know their role vs. 25% of men ages 18 to 29.

"But most interesting of all was this snapshot from TIME:

In the 1970s, a majority of children grew up with a stay-at-home parent; now that figure is less than a third. A large majority — 70% of men, 61% of women — believe this has had a negative effect on society. Fifty-seven percent of men and 51% of women agree that it is better for a family if the father works outside the home and the mother takes care of the children. Asked to rank what they value most for their own daughters, 63% of men and 56% of women put a happy marriage with children first; 17% of men and 23% of women said an interesting career; and 15% of men and 20% of women said financial success.

"If a happy marriage and children is the highest priority for more than half of those surveyed, then I believe we need to be more intentional about helping our culture achieve those goals. The timeless truth of the Bible still speaks to us today and we who know the Word should not shrink back from leading others to learn it."

"In the future there is laid up for me

the crown of righteousness,

which the Lord, the righteous Judge,

will award to me on that day;

and not only to me, but also to all

who have loved His appearing.

... Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!"

- 2 Timothy 4:8; Revelation 22:20

"Do you love the Lord's appearing? Then you will bend every effort to take the gospel into all the world. It troubles me in the light of the clear teaching of God's Word, in the light of our explicit definition of our task in The Great Commission (Mat. 28:18-20) that we take it so lightly.... His is the kingdom; He reigns in heaven and He manifests His reign on earth in and through His church. When we have accomplished our mission, He will return and establish His kingdom in glory. To us it is given not only to wait for but also to hasten the coming of the day of God (2 Pet. 3:12)."

- George Ladd, The Gospel of the Kingdom

state bound!

May I just brag on my brothers for a sec'?

Yes?

Okay, good... because THEY'RE GOING TO STATE!

colossians 1:15-18

"We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body."

(And on an unrelated note, I'd like to apologize for a mistake made in yesterday's post. Oma and Opa from next door are not from Germany. They are from the Czech Republic. That is to say, they still live in Dallas.)

oh, yes, definitely. a view halloo.

I was sitting on the sidewalk smashing acorns. Little B from next door stood in front of me with his chin up in the air and the biggest smile on his face, as he explained that today was Grandparent’s Day. His babysitter had the day off because his grandparents were in from out of town. C2 sauntered over, and B led the way through the grass: “Guess where my Oma and Opa are from.”

“Pennsylvania?”

“No.”

“California?”

“No.”

“New York?”

"No, they’re from Germany.”

I picked at the mud from the dirt clod C2 chunked at my legs (upon greeting) as the pair began tearing apart the garage.

“Germany?” C2 picked up a long stick. “Do they speak Europe?”

B shook his head. “They speak German. They’re from Germany, but they live in Dallas.”

Naturally.

C2 resumed his poking about the garage with the stick, but his feet slowly ceased shuffling. He leaned over a very familiar Tupperware container, and I looked over his shoulder at our dear friend, who rested in a very new cocoon.

After staring at the silky clump for awhile and contemplating the life cycle of a caterpillar, I closed the garage door and left him to his slumber, as the boys walked back down the driveway discussing where all he might have travelled in the first stage of his lifetime. (“New Jersey?” “No.” “Washington?” “No.” “China?” “No.”)

Sleep tight, Heinrich.

i feel a surge of deep satisfaction, much as a king astride his noble steed - thank you.

Today was magical.

C2 slammed the glass front door after announcing he was leaving for a neighbor’s house, and I slipped a peak through the blinds to make sure he was picking up his bike to speed through the mosquito-ed mist. Like every other day, I prepared to count to thirty and trot along after him, sneaking behind trees like a spy to see where he really went. I trust him. He’s eight. No, really, I trust him.

After 14.3562 seconds of sneaking and peaking, I watched as he literally threw down his bike and sprinted to the white pillar on his front porch. Another 8.415 seconds passed as I watched him frozen in awe and speculation; I waited until he whirled around and screamed my name. I walked outside, and my jaw dropped.

It was a caterpillar. Oh, my friends, it was not just any caterpillar. It was Heimlich.

More specifically, it was an Antheraea polyphemus. And how I wish I had known that then. C2 would have been impressed beyond any natural, human expression of admiration. Instead, we crawled to the live slinky, and he whispered “It’s so cool,” and I reverently responded, It’s the most crazy awesome thing I’ve ever seen.

Then he grabbed it. I swatted his arm because, obviously, it's poisonous, and he could have died; and he chunked it back against the pillar. And we continued to sit, amazed as it slinked along and shedded a delicate trail of a silk-like substance.

Now, I realize, dear readers, that you probably see these lime-green-jello-monsters every single day, so no big deal. But we were captivated, fascinated to the point of giddiness. C2 squinted at me and sighed, “I just love watching nature.”

He walked inside and came back out and walked inside – not the china! – and came back out – seriously, will you ever eat out of that again knowing what Heimlich probably did in there? - and walked inside and came back out with a container he then filled with carefully picked leaves and acorns and twigs. He hurriedly placed the grass and excitedly set the caterpillar in his new home. My kiddo practically skipped and sang as he dropped off the box in the house and biked away to inform his friends.

It was an enchanting afternoon.

When his mom set her purse down and discovered the newest family member scooting down her kitchen counter, I could have sworn I heard C2's prize happily crying out, “But I AM flying! And from way up here you all look like little ants! Auf Wiedersehen!"


“What a wildly wonderful world, God!
You made it all, with Wisdom at your side,
made earth overflow with your wonderful creations.

“… All the creatures look expectantly to you
to give them their meals on time.
You come, and they gather around;
you open your hand and they eat from it.
If you turned your back, they'd die in a minute—
Take back your Spirit and they die,
revert to original mud;
Send out your Spirit and they spring to life—
the whole countryside in bloom and blossom.

“The glory of God—let it last forever!
Let God enjoy his creation!

“...Oh, let me sing to God all my life long,
sing hymns to my God as long as I live!
Oh, let my song please him; I'm so pleased to be singing to God...
O my soul, bless God!”

- Psalm 104:24-30

in Christ alone

"I will exalt You, LORD, because You have lifted me up and have not allowed my enemies to triumph over me. LORD my God, I cried to You for help, and You healed me. LORD, You brought me up from Sheol; You spared me from among those going down to the Pit. Sing to the LORD, you His faithful ones, and praise His holy name. For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor, a lifetime. Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning. When I was secure, I said, 'I will never be shaken.' LORD, when You showed Your favor, You made me stand like a strong mountain; when You hid Your face, I was terrified. LORD, I called to You; I sought favor from my Lord: 'What gain is there in my death, in my descending to the Pit? Will the dust praise You? Will it proclaim Your truth? LORD, listen and be gracious to me; LORD, be my helper.' You turned my lament into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, so that I can sing to You and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise You forever."

- Psalm 30:1-12

"No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand." (Stuart Townend, Keith Getty)

special episode: the choice

psalm 119:175

"Invigorate my soul so I can praise You well,
use Your decrees to put iron in my soul."

who am i ... that You have brought me this far?

"God is the Author of life, not man nor science. Indeed Jeremiah 1:5 says, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.' The psalmist responded to a strikingly similar God given revelation with these words:

"'Certainly you made my mind and heart; you wove me together in my mother's womb. I will give you thanks because your deeds are awesome and amazing. You knew me thoroughly; my bones were not hidden from you, when I was made in secret and sewed together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was inside the womb. All the days ordained for me were recorded on your scroll before one of them came into existence. How difficult it is for me to fathom your thoughts about me, O God! How vast is their sum total!' (Ps. 139:13-17, NET).

"We desperately need reminders like these especially when something horrible has happened. We've got to know we're cherished and have been since - take time for wonder - before we were conceived. We were planned by someone who pondered the panoramic canvas of our entire lives, in living color, dimension, and texture, with joy as if it had already been well lived. We were assigned purpose and placed within a God-created system where no pain can come to us unless it serves that exact purpose. We need to know that the events we find so baffling don't mean God has forgotten about us or forsaken us. Perhaps, if we'd stretch our hearts and minds to perceive it, He has instead trusted us.

"... We've been reminded how before David's great awe with God - that led him to cry out, 'How great you are, O Sovereign LORD! There is no one like you!' - he first experienced the stunning, deadly failure to bring the ark into Jerusalem. Though David had been angry and afraid (2 Sam. 6:8-9), the word of God's blessing on the lives of others steeled and steadies his conviction that God is totally good. He is completely righteous. He is always holy.

"David then went back for the ark and took every ounce of his shaken heart to the God he'd loved since childhood. A bruised heart that chooses to beat with a passion for God amid pulsing pain and confusion may be just be the most expensive offering placed on the divine altar. He esteems yours as much as He esteemed His beloved David's."

- Beth Moore; Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed

episode 6: siblings

prayer request

My dear blog buddies,

Most of y'all know I have cluster headaches. Most of y'all know their patterns already: between cluster cycles (where episodes occur every day for weeks), my body normally has about thirty to forty days to rest and heal. This last time, I had eight days. Tonight is my fifth consecutive night of attacks for this new cycle, and to be honest, with episodes lasting eighteen hours of the daily twenty-four, my body's hurting. A lot.

Yesterday, we went back to the doctor who (changed my drugs yet again but) admitted that he doesn't know what to do anymore. At this point, we're all heartbroken and simply do not understand why this has been going on for so long, or why the episodes are not responding to any treatment.

Pride has made it extremely hard for me to write this post, but we so desperately need your prayers. If you could be praying for wisdom for my doctors, peace and strength for my family, and relief from the pain, we would greatly appreciate it.

We're continually humbled by all who have continued to pray and love on our family. I could not even begin to express in words how much it means.

Thankfully, these hard times are small potatoes (grin), and even in the worst of conditions, we've still got hope. And a Hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 , Romans 5:5)

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." (Revelation 21:4)

Love you guys.

small potatoes

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

- 2 Corinthians 4:14-16

pin split (part two)

When I was three, I prayed every night for a sister. When I was three and a half, my twin brothers were born.

Fifteen years later, I've never been so thankful that a prayer wasn't answered the way I originally wanted.

Words could not even BEGIN to express how much I love you two. You are the most amazing young men I know, and I am so ridiculously proud of both of you. And now, because you're sitting right next to me as I write this, I'm going to stop my message here and... attack!

Happy birthday, my pins!

pin split (part one)

My baby brothers turn fifteen on Sunday.

FIFTEEN.

They already have plans to pick up their permits and take over the Houston freeways as soon as the calendar flips to October 11. But this should be no big deal: they've been driving for years.

Because they're twins (or pins, as they corrected everyone who made this common mistake twelve years ago), they celebrate on different days. Because they're twins, the baby pictures must be brought out on separate posts.

But I don't mind. I kind of like these two.

neither am i a maypole. kindly stop spinning about me.

I thought I was out of Nanny material. It truly made me sad because I take my role as an aspiring MP [Mary Poppins] very seriously (I’ve even searched eBay for a carpetbag and an umbrella with a parrot head: I’m waiting to purchase until that magical moment when the right one speaks to me). However, I may have thought wrong.

Over the weekend, C1 and C2 moved to a beautiful house in a different neighborhood. Though the distance is not more than five miles from the other residence, it’s caused some major changes. For example, C2 rode home on his new bus yesterday. I was warned in advance that he was worried, so I grabbed flashcards to memorize and plopped down in the sunshine with plenty of time to spare and without any chance of missing his arrival. Right on schedule, his bus slowed to a whiny stop at the end of the street, and two little boys hopped off. Neither were mine. The bus seemed to hug the curb for an extra long time before it pulled away again. Not surprising. If anyone could stop a full bus, it would be my child.

The set of brothers were greeted by their mom, and all three waved to me as they walked in the house a patch of grass away from my own. A flash of yellow distracted me as it danced around the corner. Now I’m not an expert in the least on public school transportation, but something seemed to have gone very wrong in that moment. What happens to those who stay on the bus? Is it like a ski lift where you have the possibility to circle around and around forever unless someone grabs your hand, yanks you off, and shoves you into the snow?

In between fighting tears and running barefoot after the bus, I called my mom (who, since the last time I lost a kid, has still not misplaced one of her own). As we worked through my rescue plan, the bus came back. MY bus. I had memorized the number painted on the back and had been chanting it subconsciously since it disappeared the first time.

It parked in front of my house. The bus, that is. The bus filled to the brim with hyperactive third-graders. The driver rolled down the window and waved at me and yelled, “Are you C2’s sister?” I had two options: deny everything and run inside, or face whatever was to come. No... no, I’m his babysitter. “Oh, I dropped C2 off one street over. I wasn’t sure what to do , but he said it was okay and got off with….” She proceeded to write down the friend’s first and last name, his address, his phone number. God bless her. She smiled apologetically as if it were her fault, and said she was new to the route. She reassured me that C1 was on his way. He could still go missing, but he hadn't yet. Great.

All the while, her own charges had rolled down the windows, impatient and sweaty. The bus rolled on down the street, and after taking off in the direction of my kid, I spotted him bouncing along toward home, picking up lizards, throwing acorns back at the squirrels, chatting happily to his new best friend.

New house, new life happenings, but some things never change.

episode 5: real problems

time together isn't ever quite enough

I apologize for the lack of "real" posts lately. Life has been nuts, and I must confess: the blog has been low on my priority list. But now that my fever and cluster headaches have ceased (still looking for that homework cure), I promise stories will be up soon.

Love!

e. dickinson

Saying nothing... sometimes says the most.

set-apart

"The world-altering and life-giving secret that was kept hidden through the ages, but is now made known to Christ's set-apart ones, is simply this: Jesus Christ, your heavenly Prince, will actually make your earthly body His royal residence! Yes, it's true! The Prince coming to live within your sanctuary - this is the world-altering secret that ushers in His kingdom." - Colossians 1:26-27 (paraphrase)

"Christ's set-apart ones have all gone through the same inner-transformation process. They have all kicked Self off the throne of their lives, eliminating the controlling power of sin, and offered the heavenly Prince the ruling power of their existence." - Galatians 5:24 (paraphrase)

"To be my disciple, to be a set-apart one, costs everything you have. Don't delude yourself into thinking it will only cost you a portion of your existence! The very essence of a disciple is one who has completely emptied her inner sanctuary of all other lovers to make room for Me, her heavenly Prince." - Luke 14:33 (paraphrase)

"I ask that God, out of His infinite supply of spiritual riches, would mightily supply your inner life with His Spirit's enabling power, so that Christ, your heavenly Prince, might make your inner sanctuary His sacred residence as you lean more and more on Him. And I also desire that you would be able to comprehend, along with all God's set-apart children, the extraordinary life-altering dimensions of Christ's love. But even more than comprehending this love in your mind, I want you to know it experientially, deep within your heart, so that you may have every ounce of God within you that is humanly possible to have." - Ephesians 3:16-19 (paraphrase)

"The unmarried young woman centers her earthly existence around the affairs of her heavenl Prince, and her aim in life is to be completely set apart for Him, in body and in spirit." - 1 Corinthians 7:34 (paraphrase)

(- Leslie Ludy, Authentic Beauty)

to trust You

This song has been on repeat on my ipod for several weeks. It's not from a genre I normally listen to, but the words resonated in a way I can't describe. I wanted to leave them here for y'all tonight; they're so powerful:

"Did You hear me crying out to You? Did You hear me?

I did all I knew to do... I prayed, had faith, but You still took him away from me.

I can choose to ask why. I can choose to be angry. I can wrestle when life is not what I thought it would be. I can wish that all the pain would simply go away. And at the same time, I can choose, Lord, to trust You.

Do You see me? I can't do this on my own. Are You near me?

Just let me know I'm not alone.

I prayed, had faith that You would answer me so differently. So, I can choose to ask why. I can choose to be angry. I can wrestle when life is not what I thought it would be. I can wish that all the pain would simply go away. And at the same time, I can choose, Lord, to trust Your ways are not my ways, to know there's purpose in this pain, to trust that you will bring my joy again.

But I'm still asking why. I can wish that all this pain would simply go away, but at the same, I can choose, Lord, to trust You."

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust You, how I’ve proved You o’er and o’er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. O for grace to trust You more...

faithful

From Beth Moore's blog:

"Lately God has really been bringing that first part of Hebrews 11:6 back to my mind in living, breathing color like on a cartoon strip of a newspaper. You probably know the verse by heart even if you don’t know exactly where it lives: “Without faith it is impossible to please God.” Don’t dismiss it or yawn past it with over-familiarity because it encompasses the single most important concept of our existence. On most mornings as I meet with God in the quiet before dawn, I say some form of these words: 'Lord, I want so much to please you…' Recently, I’ve found myself in a season where I’m having to put very deliberate, focused trust in God in order not to be overcome by a few obstacles and invitations to fear. It’s not a bad place to be. It’s just a very intense place to be. Those seasons never fail to become the most memorable markers on my path with Christ. A few days ago when I was saying those same words to Him ('I want so much to please You, Lord'), I felt like He spoke back. These very clear and unsolicited thoughts formed like a pencil sketch on the wall of my mind: 'Beth, you keep telling Me that you want to please Me and I esteem that. It is seeing you exercise your faith with great courage and against emotions and odds that pleases Me most. You’ve had a little break in some areas lately. What do you say we get back to that walk again?'

"... Nope. Not a bad place to be at all. Just intense. For some of you... , really intense. Much more intense than what I’m going through. I want Him and the sense of His presence more than anything in this whole world. I’ve tasted it and there’s nothing in life like it. Many of you feel that same way. This many decades into a journey with Christ, I’ve concluded that the paths where our faith is stretched beyond our circumstances, our emotions, and natural conclusions are the ones where we receive the most vivid divine disclosures. These are the experiences that shape the paragraphs of our life stories. These are what keep us from being the snoozers and reward-losers in the Body of Christ. These are our hikes up the mountain where Jesus is transfigured before us. I am convinced that, in seasons that call for a powerful outbreak of faith, victory is never accidental. We make up our minds to believe God. To make no choice at all is to choose defeat. Fear. Intimidation. Constant psychological warfare.

"SO, my verses this time around in our Scripture memory challenge are centered on faith because I find myself there again. I’m not feeling whiny because this is the place the Word jumps off the page for me and my prayer time passes before I’m finished. This is the place I grow. Every other place is where I simply maintain. Don’t get me wrong. Maintaining is not a bad thing as long as we can swing on the Vine to the other side of the road when we get an opportunity to land in a growth spurt. I’m choosing several verses this time because they’re each familiar enough to me to be fairly easy to memorize. I know them by concept and paraphrase. Now I want to know them word for word. If you want, choose just one of them and let it build up your sweet faith. Maybe you’ve forgotten lately that you are a warrior. He is so worthy of this, Sister.

"Of Abraham, Romans 4:20-21 NIV says…

"'He did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.'

"(By the way, when I recite that one to God, I’ll probably often take it personally and use a “she” for me instead of a “he” for Abraham. After all, his faith walk is over and mine is still very much in flux.)

"And one more. It’s a really short portion but it shoots a straight shot and I love it. It’s Isaiah 7:9b NIV… 'If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.' No kidding. Let’s get back up, Girls. Remember, faithfulness is never passive. It is the active filling of every gap with faith."